Nomon Tim shares a poem by Dainin Katagiri Roshi, an important Zen ancestor in the West, including his reflections on his own encounters with Katagiri Roshi in the 1980's.
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This evening I'd like to return to the deep topic of right view: how do we view reality? How do we view ourselves and others? How do we view the branches on the path of life that life before us?
Right View is the view, understanding, that's closest to the underlying fabric and nature of the universe.
Any view is still just a view. Nothing is complete or correct in an ultimate sense. But a view that's closer to the true nature of thing is a view that supports awakening - that helps us bring more deep and lasting joy to this world.
As a pointer to Right View I'd like to explore a poem written by Dainin Katagiri Roshi. I'll share the poem once, then give a little background on who Katagiri was, then go through the poem more carefully.
Katagiri Roshi - This Peaceful Life
Being told that it is impossible
One believes, in despair, "Is that so?"
Being told that it is possible,
One believes, in excitement, "That's right."
But, whichever is chosen,
It does not fit one's heart neatly.
Being asked, "What is unfitting?"
I don't know what it is.
But my heart knows somehow.
I feel irresistible desire to know.
What a mystery a "human" is!
As to this mystery:
Clarifying,
Knowing how to live,
Knowing how to walk with people,
Demonstrating and teaching,
This is the Buddha.
From my human eyes,
I feel it's really impossible to become Buddha.
But this "I", regarding what the Buddha does,
Vows to practice,
To aspire,
To be resolute,
And tells myself, "Yes, I will."
Just practice right here now,
And achieve continuity,
Endlessly,
Forever.
This is living in vow.
Herein is one's peaceful life found.
SOURCE: MZMC News, Spring 1991, Vol 16 no.1, pp.3
NOTES: A poem by Dainin KATAGIRI Roshi published posthumously, on the first
anniversary of his death, by the Minnesota Zen Meditation Center News.
Dainin Katagiri was a Soto Zen priest who did the full training that was available in Japan: 3 years at Eiheiji Monatery then a degree at Komazawa University. And he must've studied English and been connected to the international division of the Japanese Soto Shu as in 1963 he was sent to Zenshuji - the Soto missionary temple in L.A. which I think is the oldest Soto Zen temple in America, founded in 1922.
We tend to think of Zen in America from a Western convert-Buddhist lens but actually Soto Zen has been serving Japanese people in America since long before Beat Zen, Alan Watts, and so on. What started happening in the late 1950's and 1960's is Westerners got interested in one version of Zen - a version emphasizing zazen and awakening and all that cool stuff. Japanese immigrants in America, the Isei - first generation, and their children, the nisei - second generation related to Soto Zen as more like we would think about church. A community gathering place, a place to rest within a supportive culture. This was especially crucial in the 1940's when people of Japanese descent were interned - a shameful part of our American history (which I imagine is not taught in history class in Florida) - Japanese Zen and Pure Land priests set up ad hoc temples in the internment camps.
So we're interesting: a kind of monastic-ish westernized branch of the Japanese Soto Zen church.
Anyway after a few years in L.A. serving the Japanese congregation there Katagiri came to San Francisco in 1965 to help Suzuki Roshi who was also sent over for the purpose of serving the Japanese congregation. Neither man was sent to create a whole new kind of Zen in America but that's exactly what happened.
Katagiri, like Suzuki, was fascinated that these scruffy American hippies wanted to practice intensive zazen and seek awakening. A totally different attitude about Zen from the Japanese congregation. And pretty soon he was a Tassajara Monastery helping to teach the forms and rituals.
Eventually, also like Suzuki, he broke away from the Soto Zen church and founded his own place. I can't remember who I heard this from but one time he flew from San Francisco to New York - two of the cities where there was the most early Zen-with-Westerners. When they were about the middle of the country he pointed down and ask the Zen student we has with, "what Zen Centers do they have there?" His student was surprised by the question, "well: none at all - that's the midwest, they don’t do this kind of stuff there."
And so Katagiri had a flash of inspiration. Where there's no Zen is a great place to go. And pretty sure he received an invitation to come teach in Minneapolis. He accepted the invitation and stayed. And Minnesota Zen Meditation Center was born in 1972. Katagiri serving as abbot until he died in 1990. But he remained close to Suzuki Roshi in San Francisco. MZMC was also founded soon after Suzuki Roshi died in 1971.
Suzuki Roshi had time to complete Dharma Transmission with just one student: the very energetic and powerful Richard Baker. Baker following the lead of his teacher was known as Baker Roshi. In subsequent years the use of roshi as a title has diminished. And it was never really used like a title that someone took us as an official thing in Japan either - it was more like something you say out of affection for an esteemed older priest.
I've know several people who studied with Baker Roshi in San Francisco - and he carries on in Colorado, Germany and other places to this day. They all say he was brilliant, insightful - that he often gave them just the right practice guidance at just the right place. And one of Baker Roshi's students and attendants when he was at the Green Gulch center was a young Norman Fischer.
Eventually it came out in the early 1980's that Baker Roshi had been sleeping with students, bending all kinds of rules, and also demanding all kinds of somewhat lavish things be purchased for him by the Zen center. He had a fancy BMW and a driver. One funny thing is he had identical libraries at SF Zen Center's 3 centers: the exact same books shelved in the exact same order. The idea was he was constantly going back and forth in his BMW between the three centers, was constantly teaching, and needed to be able to reach up and grab whatever book he needed easily. This was pre-internet of course.
And the shit hit the fan in 1984. It became public knowledge that Baker was sleeping with the wife of an important friend and donor of SF Zen Center. And it came out he'd made advances on numerous other women I'm pretty sure. The thing was he was The Teacher for the whole place. Their Board was relatively weak and had always gone along with the teacher. This caused a big mess and reinvention of their whole organization and eventually Baker was forced to resign and he left.
The way Norman used to talk about all of this was something like: Dick worked really hard, and he was really effective in many ways, but he also came to feel very entitled. He needed the libraries, he needed lots of assistants, he needed the car, and eventually he needed multiple girlfriends too. I don't think Norman meant to let him off the hook exactly but he was also able to watch the way Baker had worked himself into an unethical corner and he remained convinced for many years after that he hadn't really done anything wrong.
SF Zen Center needed guidance from a steady established teacher. So Katagiri returned to San Francisco and was there teaching and leading at all three centers for much of the late 1980's.
Which is where I met him. At my first Practice Period at Green Gulch in the Fall of 1986 he was the teacher. He wasn't there the whole time, I guess he must've been going back and forth to his family and home center in Minneapolis but we was there. Taught a class. I'd see him on the paths. And he was the teacher for the 7-day rohatsu sesshin that concluded my 8 weeks at Green Gulch.
He was a small man, like many Japanese folks, but he walked and stood and bowed with a certain kind of solidity - of power. Here's what his student Zuiko Redding said of him:
"My basic memory of Katagiri is of how he paid total attention to what was in front of him. He took care of each thing as if it were the most important thing in the world, whether it was throwing away some trash or talking to another person. He really listened and tried to give the best answer he knew how to give. He also encouraged each of us to stand up in our own space, following our own wisdom rather than depending on him for answers or affirmation. I would sometimes tell him exactly what I thought about some idea he had, only to turn and see him smiling broadly at me, glad that I wasn’t buying into his agenda."
The sesshin he oversaw is the one I talk about sometimes where I was trying so hard I gave myself intense backaches and floaty visual illusions and … I just got out there. I also saw Norman for Practice Discussion at least once and he helped to convince me to relax a bit. After which - whew - there was just this incredible rush of relieved kind of open energy. Soon after that my turn to go to Dokusan with Katagiri came and he was so sweet to me: "many kinds enlightenment experience - maybe this some small enlightenment - nice for you, please continue practicing." I also remember he gave really long Dharma Talks.
Lately, maybe you've noticed, I've been trying to give short talks and give time for discussion and unpacking. Tonight in this homage to Katagiri I don't know that I'll pull that off but it feels kind of fititng. I think his talks were at least 90 minutes each morning. And there was a strong spirit back then of "don't move!" - I remember the senior students sitting like statues in full lotus and I tried my best ot emulate them. OOF. After the sesshin one of the teachers at Green Gulch, Blanche Hartman who would go on to become an important teacher of mine, asked me what he taught on. I had no idea - it was embarrassing to say, "I can't really remember." But I think she understood.
Actually the most important memory I have of Katagiri roshi is when I was doing my soji - temple cleaning - job of wiping down the dust on the baseboards and corners of the building. I ended up near Katagiri's room and he was talking with another Japanese man in Japanese. I'm not sure why this felt so deep and meaningful to me. Something about the energy between them. Deeply connected, caring, kind of sad. A intimate moment. And of course I couldn't understand a word.
Katagiri's legacy is similar to Suzuki Roshi's - many strong American teachers emerged from the Minnesota Center - I've had to pleasure to meet a good number of them. Most of the authors in the book on the 8-Fold Path by American Zen Women are Katagiri roshi lineage. As is my dear friend and colleague Jeff Kelley - Jeff was second generation through Katagiri's student Dosho Port and later Judith Ragir whom we had Zoom in about 6 months ago talking about her powerful journey of healing.
Sadly Katagiri's legacy is not unblemished. Here's what it says on the top of the ethics page now on the MZMC web site:
Many years ago MZMC faced an extremely serious ethical issue. Several years after the 1990 death of our beloved founder, Dainin Katagiri Roshi, we were shocked and deeply saddened to hear that he had engaged in sexual relationships with at least two women who were his students, and made unwelcome advances to some others.
In response, we took careful and thoughtful steps to prevent anything like this from happening again at MZMC. We instituted a clear code of ethics stating that any sexual relationship between a teacher and his or her student is inappropriate and unacceptable. We developed teacher training programs and a leadership structure designed to support a safe and transparent environment. All MZMC teachers have received training in the ethical standards expected of them, and have wholeheartedly and without reservation agreed to live by these standards.
MZMC emerged from its crisis with a fierce commitment to being a trustworthy place for spiritual practice. All members of our community are expected and empowered to ensure that this is always so.
Another well known student of Katagiri's is the writer and writing teacher Natalie Goldberg. She wrote one book about how much she loved and respected Katagiri before his transgressions came to light then she wrote a whole 'nother book about her pain in finding this out.
Anyway to his poem. This poem was discovered posthumously too, so I can only assume he wrote it for himself which makes it extra sweet to me. Norman also really appreciates this poem and used to have his priest students read it out loud before meetings so that's how I first learned of it.
Being told that it is impossible
One believes, in despair, "Is that so?"
Being told that it is possible,
One believes, in excitement, "That's right."
But, whichever is chosen,
It does not fit one's heart neatly.
Being asked, "What is unfitting?"
I don't know what it is.
But my heart knows somehow.
I feel irresistible desire to know.
What a mystery a "human" is!
As to this mystery:
Clarifying,
Knowing how to live,
Knowing how to walk with people,
Demonstrating and teaching,
This is the Buddha.
From my human eyes,
I feel it's really impossible to become Buddha.
But this "I", regarding what the Buddha does,
Vows to practice,
To aspire,
To be resolute,
And tells myself, "Yes, I will."
Just practice right here now,
And achieve continuity,
Endlessly,
Forever.
This is living in vow.
Herein is one's peaceful life found.
Being told that it is impossible
One believes, in despair, "Is that so?"
Being told that it is possible,
One believes, in excitement, "That's right."
If you really think about it life is impossible. We'll never make sense of who and what we are. It's all beyond concepts and knowing and when we think we know we sooner or later find out our view and understanding is limited if not downright wrong. We can't really know what to do. We're stumbling around. It's upsetting if you're in the frame of "what do I do? What's the right thing?" How difficult - One believes, in despair, "Is that so?"
And yet, we just take one step at a time. One breath at a time. We meet each other. We bow. We sit. We listen. We practice kindness. We trust. It all works out perfectly. Wonderful! - One believes, in excitement, "That's right."
And yet neither of these views seems to be quite total, quite complete. Both are taking one side.
But, whichever is chosen,
It does not fit one's heart neatly.
Being asked, "What is unfitting?"
I don't know what it is.
But my heart knows somehow.
Our way is "not always so" as Suzuki Roshi said. Not this side, not that side. Not neither or either. The true reality can't be diminished to possible or impossible. Our heads can't navigate here - But my heart knows somehow.
I feel irresistible desire to know.
What a mystery a "human" is!
And our way isn't to just say, "oh well! Whatever…" we are engaged, we are curious. We move forward even though we know there's no real destination. What a mystery we are!
As to this mystery:
Clarifying,
Knowing how to live,
Knowing how to walk with people,
Demonstrating and teaching,
This is the Buddha.
So we feel our way together. I've always loved the line about walking with people. When I was first offering interviews at Samish I wasn't transmitted yet so I used the Practice Discussion form. Rather than sitting in the interview hut with people being brought to me when I ring the bell as I do now. I'd walk across that big line from the dokusan room to the zendo building and get each person. And then we'd walk in silence together across the lawn back to the room. I so treasured those times of walking together - they often felt more important than the conversation we eventually sat down to have.
Our way is a together way. We stumble and grow and delight together. We learn how to live together, how to walk together. That's demonstrating and teaching the Buddha way.
From my human eyes,
I feel it's really impossible to become Buddha.
But this "I", regarding what the Buddha does,
Vows to practice,
Human eyes are the eyes of this relative world with up and down, good and bad, less and more, from those eyes a Buddha is beyond anything. We could never be Buddha. And yet that's not Buddha. When our small "I" meets that big Buddha world what can we do but live the life of vow and practice.
Vows to practice,
To aspire,
To be resolute,
And tells myself, "Yes, I will."
Just practice right here now,
And achieve continuity,
Endlessly,
Forever.
This is living in vow.
We don't know what we're doing in that usual way of knowing. But we just say yes. We just keep on. Sitting, standing, walking, lying down as Buddha. Zazen is sitting Buddha not a way to calm down or see something new about ourselves. It's yes, I will. And doing this continuously over endless time is the expression of vow.
I'm not sure what he means by "achieve continuity" - not sure that's something one can attain but I guess we could say live the life of continuity and continuity starts living through you. Endlessly, forever, this is living in vow.
Herein is one's peaceful life found.
Peace isn't just being chill here. It's engaged. It's active. It's humble. It's relational. And it's beyond any of these ideas.
May all beings know the peace and joy of the Buddha Way. All of us.
Thank you Katagiri Roshi. I didn't really know you at all in the conventional way but somehow our overlapping paths mattered and still mattered. Like you I'm imperfect and limited. And I hope like you I'm committed to a life of vow. I hope so anyway.
