Myoki Raizelah, the community's shuso, offers a reflection on the second day of the practice period's closing sesshin.
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Myoki Raizelah's talk notes:
There are so many ways I could start this talk, but I want to start by acknowledging both the absence and presence of our long-time dharma friend, Edie Norton, who is no longer with us physically, but lives in the heart of so many here. I wasn’t here, but I know she practiced with Red Cedar for over twenty years; she was ordained as a priest(ess) here; she contributed to the sangha in a myriad of ways including serving on the board; and supported many people as a mentor, guide, and a teacher.
She left us this precious gift, her book about her experience of practice. I want to share some words from Edie: “Zazen is a window into the unconscious. It informs us about emotions, beliefs and perspectives we didn’t know we had. What comes up during Zazen can be disturbing or alarming, but it helps us know ourselves in deeper ways than before.
Sometimes in Zazen we encounter difficult emotional material we’d rather avoid. We might be tempted to stop sitting or leave. This is when sitting in a group is helpful. We feel obliged to not disturb others, so we stick it out and observe what happens next. Not giving up trains the mind to be steadfast…Sitting with others encourages dedication and right effort. We learn that everyone’s effort helps everyone in practice.”
Edie’s talking here about the importance of sangha. This is one of the three Treasures and refuges in Buddhism:
I take refuge in Buddha
I take refuge in Dharma
I take refuge in Sangha
I appreciate the attention she brings here to Sangha. This practice period has brought the importance of Sangha into focus for me, as well. I feel tremendous gratitude for this sangha in particular, for all of you for your continued support as I ventured into the practice of Shoso for these recent months. I feel gratitude for my teachers, and all the Buddhas and ancestors who, through innumerable conditions, somehow brought our practice to this basement room at BUF, in this northwest corner of the United States, far across the ocean from its origins in China and then Japan. We are so fortunate!
I want to take a few minutes here to express my gratitude.
I am deeply grateful for my teacher, Chris Fortin. Chris has met with me regularly over the months leading up to practice period and throughout practice period. She has shared her undying commitment to practice, her continued support, her open heart and her laughter. Chris, you are truly a beacon of light. Thank you for being here now, and for always being here - gently guiding me, always accepting me, and offering your support during both the joys and challenges you’ve witnessed me go through in my life.
I am grateful to other teachers who have supported my practice over the years: Norman Fischer and Reb Anderson, and countless other teachers who have touched me through their practice and sharing. And thank you to those who have guided me in my exploration of the Genjo Koan (such as Uchamura, Judigh Ragir and so many others); to teachers who have come before us, such as Suzuki Roshi, Uchiyama and of course Dogen - and to all the teachers who have been their teachers, and so on - all the way back to Shakyamuni Buddha.
I also want to thank my husband, whose love is an unshakable pillar of support in my life and in my practice.
I want to thank my Benji, Ken, who stood by my side managing tech and logistics, throughout the practice period.
And so much gratitude to all of you, the sangha. Without you, I would have no one to practice being Susho with. Without you, I would have had no one, the last couple of years, to practice being Ino with. I need you; I can’t practice these roles without you. And these roles have been and continue to be an opportunity to meet myself, to study myself. Thank you for providing a container for me to practice in. Thank you for practicing alongside me. And thank you for journeying along with me through the Genjo Koan.
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Maybe I chose a challenging text to explore this practice period? Many people find Dogen frustrating, infuriating or just plain incomprehensable. Dogen’s thought and speech don’t match the linear, conceptual frame are minds have been conditioned to. I think of the Genjo Koan, for example, as more circular than linear. He starts out by making his point in the first 3 lines of this fascicle and then circles back to this point time and time again:
As all things are buddha-dharma, there is delusion and realization, practice, birth and death, and there are buddhas and sentient beings. As the myriad things are without an abiding self, there is no delusion, no realization, no buddha, no sentient being, no birth and death. The buddha way is, basically, leaping clear of the many and the one…
There is duality, the relative world of existence; there is emptiness - we are empty of separate selves - the boundlessness of the relative world; and the Buddha Way is basically leaping clear of the two and the one.
Dogen re–phrases this same message in a myriad of ways. Through metaphors, stories, and at the end, through what we would call a koan, Dogen circles back several times to this clear message: it’s right here, right now, when we show up fully, we wake-up to both the delusion of enlightenment and the enlightenment of delusion. Not two; not one. Some call this the fundamental point; others may call it the frustrating point.
We just can’t learn this with academic study. Our minds simply aren’t up for the task.
Judith Ragir has told us, “ Dogen can be relied upon to try to trick our brain through his semantics and the changing of syntax…In showing all the angles and contradicting all the opposites, he dismantles our notions of solidity. He encourages us to open our minds beyond concepts and experience just this moment as it is realized.”
Frances Carney adds, “Dogen believed that language itself was a tool to open and liberate us, and thus as a linguist he had the ability to play with language poetically, to nudge the mind beyond the intellect as as to soak in the very water that reflects the moon in order to move us to the experience of awakening.”
We all want to “get it” - to get what Dogen is saying.
So, let’s take a conscious breath. I want to encourage you to drop your awareness into your body. Settle into your body.
Remember the “An” in Genjo Koan - to massage, knead or press
Let’s do some self-massage.
How does that help you to actualize the point? To settle right here in this body? Does it support you in showing up more fully? To enter this moment?
In Fukanzazengi, Dogen instructs us, “You should therefore cease from practice based on intellectual understanding, pursuing words and following after speech, and learn the backward step that turns your light inward to illuminate yourself. Body and mind will drop away from themselves, and your original face will manifest itself.”
“Learn the backward step that turns your light inward to illuminate yourself.” Study the self; study your experience; be with what emerges fully. Be yourself fully.
“Body and mind will drop away from themselves.” Your self-clinging will fall away: your ideas about yourself, the identities you hold on to, or your notions of who you should be - eventually drop away. I find, when I study the self, these ideas and identities soften. Their grip on my consciousness loosens. “And your original face will manifest itself.” And your Buddha nature will manifest itself.
Notice again the word manifest. It caught my attention, so I looked up “manifest” in the dictionary for a precise definition:
“To display or show by one's acts; to demonstrate”
To me, the word “demonstrate,” also implies action.
Uchamura said something about this in beginning of his book on the Genjo Koan, “When we study and practice according to Dogen Zenji’s teachings, it is important that we use more than our intellectual understanding of these view aspects of reality; we should actually manifest these views with our actions.”
Live it. Embody it. Express it through your actions.
A few mornings ago, it was raining outside, so I opted to skip my morning walk and hop on the stationary bike in our basement. While I was riding it, I turned on a Dharma talk given by Ukumura called “Introduction to Zen.” I thought that might be good way to keep beginner’s mind alive. I believe he was talking to a Tibetan Buddhist group. He described to the group our particular meditation practice, Shikantaza. He translates Shikantaza as “just sitting.” Zazen, on the other hand, is translated as “sitting meditation.” Meditation, he explains, is something we do with the mind. Sitting is something we do with the body. Dogen emphasized just sitting (Shikantaza), being with posture and the breath. I was taught to pay attention to the movement of the breath in the belly. This is a BODY practice. Yes, we are aware of the mind in sitting - thoughts, stories, conversations arise - but the practice is to let them go and return to just sitting. Return to the body.
Dogen also says that sitting doesn’t just happen when we’re sitting, but also when we’re laying down, walking - in all of our daily activities.
So, let’s stand up at the end of this sesshin and take our sitting practice with us into the world, into your everyday activities. Let’s live the teaching. We have been raised in a culture that values and supports residing in our heads. Most of us (myself included) have learned to lead with our head in our life. What is it like to more fully inhabit these bodies? My teacher calls it “Zazen body.” And how do you bring Zazen body into your daily life? These, and so many more, are the questions that guide my life.
We have spent 2 precious months exploring the Genjo Koan. I think most of you were in the class.
Genjo Koan:
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To actualize the fundamental point
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The ordinary profundity of the present moment becoming the present moment (Uchiyama)
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Realizing reality as it is
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To show up fully
The Genjo Koan a koan to live by - for the rest of our lives. I didn’t know this when I chose the Genjo Koan as our topic of study, but I understand now why many Dogen scholars consider this text to be Dogen’s central teaching or offering; thus, at the heart of our tradition.
As Shuso, I was sitting in the “teacher’s seat,” but the Genjo Koan is not something I can teach you. The way I see it, we were all simmering in the stew of the Genjo Koan all together. I believe the Genjo Koan is something we each need to discover for ourselves. That is why I called the class “Discovering your Genjo Koan.”
And you each did discover your Genjo Koan. And as a group, we discovered our Genjo Koan. Here is what we discovered:
Allow
Relax
Show up
Forgetting the self, making the two One.
Unperturbable
Each moment is unique
Delusion and Enlightenment is a public display of affection
That is without knowledge
Only knowing
Into this placeless place
The buddha way is beyond “me”
Connected with all things
Our view can be clouded
Notice
No-self
Actualize love and compassion for all beings . this is the vital path of awakening
Join the group!
All we have is right now
Practice happens in each moment
Everything interconnected
Daily life offers awakening
Bodhisattvas everywhere
The light shines in all things.
Buddha nature
Arising
No chasing
Fish and sea
Bird and sky
Why are you trying to be when you already are?
The Practice is in your bones
No obstacles, open hand
Faith practice
Life awakened
Now is unique
Owning a place on a path in the moonlight.
I am the little dewdrop. Small and inconspicuous. yet brilliant on the green leaf. Realizing that this has always been my journey
It was so beautiful to practice together with the Genjo Koan, and to discover together our Genjo Koan.
Uchiyama’s poem entitled Genjo Koan
All of us are always living in the “present moment”
The profundity of the present moment
Even when we don’t know it and are blind to it
The profundity of the present moment is embracing us as the present moment
All of us are living out the self-interpenetrating whole world
The profundity of the self-interpenetrating whole world
Whether we know it or not
Even when we doubt it and reject it
Still we are the self-interpenetrating whole world
Including delusions and doubts
Thus is the present moment of the self-interpenetrating whole world
Fanning the wind of profundity of life
Right now and right here
Is Genjo Kan
The ordinary profundity of the present moment becoming the present moment
Uchiyama says (p.201), “Whatever the conditions, we are living the “Life of Buddha.” Whatever the conditions, we are always successfully living Buddha. Even so, whatever the conditions, we have to actualize with our own body and mind that we are living out the “Life of Buddha.” Here lies the infinite profundity of depth and height. This is what I meant by rendering the Genjo Koan as “the ordinary profundity of the present moment becoming the present moment.”
We’re given this life to wake-up in. What a blessing.
