Seishu John Wiley offers a reflection on the Dogen's Fascicle 93, Birth and Death.

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John's talk notes:

Good evening and welcome.  Tonight, I am going to talk about Fascicle 93 from Shobogenzo, Birth and Death.  When the decision was made to give a series of talks on Dogen’s writings during Tim’s summer break, I thought “what do I know about Dogen?”   Maybe I won’t 

volunteer to give a talk.  As Hannah mentioned a couple of weeks ago, there are several sangha members who have read and studied Dogen for years and even taken classes.  I haven’t done any of that.  Early in my zen practice I did some reading of Dogen’s writing and it was so confusing, I quickly switched to more contemporary writers.  Years later, I tried again and the most notable change was a feeling like I was doing something useful, even though I was often confused.  That is a pretty big change and in that spirit, I decided to give a talk.

I have what I call a zen notebook and in it, I write down quotes that I have come across that stand out to me.  These are usually just a few sentences that come from reading, listening to dharma talks or meetings with teachers.  Something that has an impact on me when I read it or hear it.  It’s been motivating for me to read through the pages of that notebook from time to time.  I think what I am collecting are examples of what Buddhist practice looks like in day today life.  That is really the thing I am most interested in.  One quote is from Pema Chodron.

She was asked “what is the essence of Buddhist practice?” And she said:  “Be kind to yourself and others and if there is a problem, try to make it better.”  A couple from Suzuki Roshi:  “Accept what is as it is, and help it to become its best.”  And, “Make your best effort at each moment, forever.”  

When I was trying to decide what to choose for this talk, I remembered that I wrote down a paragraph from Dogen’s fascicle on Birth and Death, #93.  It’s very much about day to daylife.  So, I will read the fascicle - it’s only a page and a half - and then talk a little bit about it.

Fascicle 93: Birth and Death

I am not going to go through this writing talking about each line.  I want to mention a couple of themes that stand out.   The first thing that strikes me in this piece is the repeated emphasis on “do not seek anything different and do not cling to anything.  Five times in a page and a half he says things like “face and actualize birth, face and actualize death.”  “Do not avoid them or desire them.” “Do not exclude or desire anything.”  “Don’t avoid birth and death or long for it.”  Face whatever arises, experience it and let it move on when it’s time to move on.  I think Suzuki Roshi is saying the same thing in the statements I quoted earlier:  “accept what is as it is and, help it to become its best.” And “make your best effort at each moment, forever.”

It seems to me that you could substitute any moment of our life for the terms “birth and death.”  Things are always arising and passing away, whether it’s a breath or a moment or a day or a life or a career or a vacation or a phone call.  Probably a good idea to practice Dogen’s advice to experience these things without avoiding or clinging.  Perhaps years of practicing turning toward each moment of our life—-be it enjoyable or painful and difficult—-is good preparation for the finish line we will all cross some day.

The other theme I noticed in this writing is that the extraordinary, enlightened activity, nirvana whatever you want to call it—-is right here, in the midst of our ordinary, day to day, routine life. Birth and death is just our day to day life—-whatever it may be at any time.  If you search for a buddha outside of ordinary life, you won’t find one.  The first line says:  As a buddha is in birth and death, there is no birth and death.  I would say this means a buddha has the same life we have but they see things differently.  They don’t see birth and death the same way we do.    

A buddha who is not deluded by birth and death, does not experience birth and death the way most of us do.  Dogen says, if you search for a buddha outside of birth and death (normal day to day life) you are going in the wrong direction and miss the way of emancipation.  He also says birth and death is itself nirvana (if you don’t resist or cling). Birth and death is the life of a buddha—-if you try to exclude it or cling to it, you lose the life of a buddha.  Only when you don’t avoid birth and death or long for it can you enter a buddha’s mind.  The only place that is possible is within our ordinary lives. Dogen also recommends that we not “analyze or speak about” birth and death.  Just set it aside.  In a talk on this fascicle, Norman Fischer said  “We are not made to understand life and death, but we can learn how to live in it.”  

As I was writing this talk, I noticed that I was having a lot of thoughts and memories of my father.  I often think about him, but I wondered what is this about? And I realized that the way he lived his life and the way he died was a very good example of what this last paragraph of Birth and Death looks like in day to day life.  So, to finish this talk I thought I would tell you some things about his life and death.

My father was born in New York City in 1912.  He was raised catholic, one of 6 kids and attended Catholic schools.  Once, we were talking about religion and he said he thought it was an advantage to have a religious practice, but he couldn’t do it—-he said religion had been beaten out of him in school—-lots of corporal punishment.  When he was 12, his father was killed in an accident and soon after, his mother remarried and the family moved to Alabama.  He was in Alabama through high school and because he was a good athlete, he got a football scholarship to Louisiana Tech.  He was in Louisiana until he graduated, and returned to New York in 1938.  

My dad and I had a very good relationship, especially once I was out of my teens.  He died in 2002 at the age of 90.  At that time, I thought we had talked about everything that needed to be talked about—-nothing left unsaid.  And that is a good feeling to have at the end of a parent’s life.  

A while after he died, I realized there was one thing I wished we had talked about.  He was kind, friendly and respectful to everyone, regardless of gender, race or age.  I don’t remember him ever getting angry when he was driving.  He never yelled at other drivers, or honked the horn etc.  I don’t know about you, but my worst thoughts and feelings about other people tend to come up when I am driving.  I learned a long time ago to keep those things to myself, but I am not sure he had those kinds of thoughts or feelings.  Anyway, I wish I had asked him about the racism he must have seen in the 1920’s and 30’s in the South and how that never showed up in his thinking or his words or actions.  He was friendly and kind to everyone.   When I was in the Navy in my early 20’s I was stationed with many people who used racist language and believed it.  It was quite a shock and I realized that I could be like that too, if my parents taught me to think that way.  As Dogen says, he was respectful to seniors and kind to juniors.

My father died from congestive heart failure and dementia.  From 85 to 90, he really declined both physically and mentally.  He was very frail and in a walker the last few years, but he was usually content, cheerful and rarely complained.  Near the end of his life, we were sitting side-by-side talking and he turned away from me and asked my mother “Where is John?”  We had been talking 10 seconds before that.  At the end of his life, he was helpless—-in diapers, couldn’t walk and had to be fed.  But, he was usually cheerful, happy to see people and still, rarely complained.  He knew he was dying and was ok with it.  The last thing he said to me was:

“It’s ok to die if you have had a good life.” He did not seem to be clinging to life or be afraid of death.  I remember at the time thinking:  “Wow!  I want to be like that when my time comes.” Now I know why I was thinking about my father as I was studying this fascicle and preparing this talk.   

Sometimes when I am writing a talk or studying something, material crosses my path from an unusual source.  About a week ago, this poem appeared on Facebook and I thought it was a good one for the topic of birth and death.  The poem is called Particles of You and it is by Ullie Kaye.  I tried to find some info about the author, but I couldn’t find anything, so here is the poem.

Particles of You

My mouth still cracks a tender smile

Whenever people talk about you.

And I hope that no one ever feels they

need to whisper your name under their

breath, as though you are now some

kind of glimmer from the past.

You are still very much alive in me.  

Every particle of me holds particles of you.

My being lives to carry your presence 

everywhere I go.  And you are certainly 

alive in too many ways to ever be left

unspoken.

Thank you for listening.