An article from the December 2023 Red Cedar Zen newsletter:

From Nomon Tim

Dear Sangha,

I have to admit something.

I've been feeling distracted and unfocussed in zazen lately: catching myself idly planning and thinking about this or that, and wondering just how long I'd been mind wandering. I suspect I've been spending more time than I care to admit sitting around and not really sitting.

Actually I'm not so ashamed or embarrassed. In any long relationship there are ups and downs. Engaged, strongly connected times - wonderful - and also dry spells. It's how it goes.

But having noticed the pattern I've been renewing my energy and intention. Staying closer to the breath at the start of the period. And trying to hold this awareness very lightly - gently releasing into the deep stillness. When I am more deliberate and engaged in this way zazen feels different. More settled. Deeper.

An additional challenge is about half of my sitting's in front of a computer screen in our Zoom zendo. The deep associations I have with this gadget pull at me! The busy-ness, all of my work, the little dopamine hits of finding out new things and being up-to-date with the latest news are right in front of me. I need to be a bit response to chat requests for dokusan so I'm going to stay facing the machine but I've been working on casting my gaze just beyond it which helps. If you're in the Zoom zendo you might turn sideways from the screen. We'll still feeling connected enough.

Here are a few more suggestions for your zazen.

The first is trying (or returning to) breath counting. I did this powerful practice for almost a decade and nothing else when I started (I didn't know about other options back then!). And I'm grateful for this. The trick is to hold the numbers very lightly as you tune into the feeling of each exhale. Just the softest touch with "one"…"two"...

Breath counting holds us wonderfully accountable too! The answer to, "hmm, am I on four or five?" is always: "one!". If you go onto autopilot - counting away, kind of aware of breath sort of, and simultaneously planning your day, just refocus on the rich subtle sensations of the breath. There's so much so explore in breath.

Sometimes counting feels extraneous. Then try inviting a very grounded, right there, following of the breath cycle. All the way in, all the way out, and everything in between. Getting so interested in every sensation as the breath sweeps in and out. Each breath a new breath.

And sometimes any kind of directedness in your awareness isn’t so needed and you can invite an open, settled feeling of just sitting. Just being. 

There is some creativity here. Being responsive to what's needed is helpful. And at the same time there can be a deep value to sticking gently but firmly to a single chosen technique. Zoom out from time to time to consider how it's going in zazen. 

There are several other options and ways to focus in zazen practice, some of which I've found are wiser to explore one-on-one to feel into whether they are a good fit for you. I warmly invite you to come to dokusan or practice discussion with me or the other teachers to explore zazen. This quiet life partner right in the middle of all of our lives can be easy to take for granted sometimes. Other concerns seem more pressing.

And so important from time to time to deeply renew this central relationship in Zen practice to just sitting.

Yours with breathing out,

Nomon

(and now breathing in!)

Nomon Tim Burnett is Red Cedar Zen Community's Guiding Teacher.