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Here is a short interview conducted with David; a bit about his life, his background, and his sitting practice.
Desiree: Tell me a bit about your early years and how you came to practice Soto Zen.
David: I was born in New Mexico, and lived in Boulder, CO, for a brief time, in the late 1950’s. I remember when I was only 10 years old, I took a vow of non-violence, and I’ve held to that ever since. In 1970, in CA, I was doing some yoga, and experimenting around. I had a profound transcendental experience after taking LSD that never really left me. Then, in 1973, my brother went to Green Gulch [part of the SFZC] and stayed as a resident there for a while. He sent me a copy of Zen Mind, Beginner’s Mind, by Shunryu Suzuki and I found an affinity for it and for Soto Zen Buddhism.
I was doing a lot of sitting over those next years, on my own, often getting up at 5 am to sit for a couple of hours before heading off to hard, physical work.
I moved to Marblemount, WA, working in the “Shake Mills” (roofing lumber).
It happened that I met our dear friend Seiu Hannah while planting trees in Marblemount when she was doing the same in Bellingham. It was tough in those years - living in a tent, being exposed to the elements - and I gave up sitting for a while then.
I realized over some time that I couldn’t sustain that kind of work and did some career counseling. The counselor and I both thought the idea of becoming an EMT “medic” really suited me, so that’s what I became.
Starting in 1983 I was a medic for 25 years. It was a very rewarding and satisfying career. When I retired, I was surprised by symptoms of PTSD, which included prolonged and severe depression, and overwhelming emotion. The tears flowed out and were never-ending; I also struggled with anger—especially while driving. I returned to sitting during this time and didn’t know what else could help heal me. In 2022, after years of this intense suffering, I had a breakthrough. I found a huge root of my suffering. As I started really allowing and listening to myself, opening up to that 3 year old child in me, I understood that it was not the suffering of those I attended - on its own - that caused me so much anguish - it was being in the position time and time again where I was having to decide on the outcome of someone’s life - sometimes having to make decisions about stopping resuscitation - knowing that their life was ending and I couldn’t save them - even if they were only 14 years old.
Desiree: Wow…So I’m hearing that the recognition, the awareness that this was the root of a deep suffering, was a beginning to the path of healing…to a release?
David: Yes, after that breakthrough, I was able to allow myself to start driving again, and to do more outside my home. I started at Red Cedar in 2019, but then the pandemic hit and we were back to not meeting together live. Finally, over these past few years, we’ve been able to be back to being in person for our main programs, and I’ve been able to attend.
Desiree: You’ve put yourself in the steady role of being our zendo set up person, nearly every Thursday, for a while now. What prompted you to take on this role? I know you often tell us about your love of work, and you demonstrate this to us every week, by sweeping the floors, setting up the entire zendo, paying attention to details like who is in what role for the evening. We also asked you to be our work leader for the summer Samish retreat, and you carried a strong work ethic in that role also. You are quite a reliable, dependable person!
David: I have a need to contribute, to be useful, and this zendo set up role suits me well for now, as we use this rented space. I can drive up here early - and only have to come once a week from Anacortes - and I can spend time in a quiet, environment, doing work I enjoy, and take care of the sangha in that way.
Desiree: Thank you, David, for your ongoing commitment to the sangha, and inspiration around your devoted Zen practice.
~David relayed to me that these days he continues with a steady sitting practice consisting of 3 hours every morning, and with Red Cedar. He says that through all the hard experiences, and the traumas of his life, he has returned again and again to the thing that makes the most sense: “just sitting” and finds that this is the most important thing.
Desiree/Red Cedar
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