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Juriki: As most of you know, I'm here with everyone temporarily before returning to California in a couple of months. I feel very grateful right now to just be in person--with the sangha, experiencing the many exchanges whether it's with Nomon, or the sewing group, or the Doan Ryo, or our community at the Wednesday or Sunday programs--I'm really soaking up all of the beauty--and all of the encounters with everyone.
Desiree: How did you come to land on the subject of your class offering--"Embodied Zen and 12 Step Practice?"
Juriki: This is what I am studying right now — this is what I'm in the middle of and, I'm very excited about — so, it was kind of a no-brainer to want to share it. I am really bringing to all of you my own personal experience.
Desiree: Were you surprised when Nomon came to you with this request to be our 2026 Shuso?
Juriki: Well, it was kind of out of the blue — but at the same time, we've been working together and talking a lot as I am sewing and preparing for my priest journey. Last year, I was at Green Gulch Zen Center, and that was a deepening of my practice —and, although I had done many practice periods before, they are all deepening, more and more. I spent some time at Tassajara also and remained in touch with Nomon throughout all. I felt very "accompanied" by Nomon throughout these practice periods. Although I have long wanted to take this priest's path, Nomon has recently given me permission to do so formally. This of course is a bit slow going, as a single parent, but that is ok — my primary practice is with my son — who happens to have turned 16 today! As he becomes more independent, it allows me more and more space to turn towards my role as Shuso and my sewing/priest's journey and make my Zen practice more central in my life.
Having just come out of our first class today, I have to say that our first class felt so rich; I love the form of everybody having a chance to share; it becomes a process and not so intellectual, from one source, but it's more of a coming from our own heart/minds.
Desiree: I realized today, in our class how "anonymity" is different than "keeping things confidential" — our usual reminder in our small group discussions and/or our break-out rooms on zoom. This difference in approach is a very important distinction isn't it?--it gives more freedom by releasing self identity?
Juriki: Yes. I think anonymity is a practice really. It's kind of like generosity; it's a paramita. It's all about attachment to self and moving into the place where I can be anonymous in this moment--to show up "free." That's what the freedom of the Dharma is pointing us to: I don't have to be a slave to "all my ancient twisted karma" that has happened and is created by myriad conditions that are way beyond my control — but in THIS moment, I'm free to respond forward. Not that I'm going to make everything be the way that I want, but that perspective — that attitude can shift. It is all causal conditions. A friend said, long ago, it is nothing other than causal conditions. I was hoping to point towards this today in class: We really aren't the "arbitrator" of the universe. The universe is the arbitrator of us. It's what Dogen says when he says, "it's not the self that goes out to meet the world — the whole world is coming to the self and actualizing the self." That's what no self is. It isn't this fixed thing, this me, this me that has these problems, or this me that did this great thing, or... So, what you were noting [Desiree] about "keeping things confidential" — it's not about that. There is no fixed self. That's what anonymity is. And, also, you're not the mistakes you made--you're more than that...you're not the wealth that you made...you're more than that...even the way that you were a hero for somebody once--it's more than that, too. You're beyond that.
Desiree: yes--the more that I feel the need to keep up my defenses because I feel misunderstood, or my way is right...there's no freedom in that...
Juriki: Our addiction to self is an ongoing practice. And to realize that there is no unchanging self that exists, that is where hope is restored. There's a hope that I'll get my way and that is not what we're talking about. There's another kind of hope that comes with the realization that I'm free because I have no fixed identity. A hope connected to trust, and an ability to give something the time that it needs — and that is acceptance. Acceptance is allowing that time/space needed — and we don't know how much that is--but we are just willing to give it--and that is generosity.
Desiree: Juriki--Thank you so much for this wonderful taste of our explorations to come as we delve into our classes and time together. This has been a great jumping off place and look forward to our continued practice!
Note: Also, if you've signed up for this practice period with the Shuso, and have not yet signed up for tea, please take this opportunity to do so [here]
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